humblebumblebear

Food, Thoughts & Food4Thought

Wiz Quips

Quips of Wisdom, or just those random thoughts you have while rockin’ a piss and you zone-out looking at the tile grout. Next thing you know your tank is empty, standing at the urinal with pud in hand thinking about how cicadas know when to emerge for the summer after a 16 year nap when you can’t even remember what year it is after a nap, you know what I’m sayin’?

  • Do you think anti-vaxxers download Norton protection for their computers? Or do they prefer the holistic ad-block and sage treatment?
  • If animals could talk, would they be comfortable with the term “heavy petting?”
  • I have had numerous petty disputes with my brother over the little table that protects your pizza from take-out boxes. And to this day I’d still fight him over it.
  • If Ja Rule became a court judges, he would be able to deliver his Ja-rulings.
  • What is the vegan consensus on tape worms?
  • I’m a half Jew from California. I tried to take my birthright trip, but it only got me to Manhattan
  • I recently performed a show in my underwear. It wasn’t a gig, just another mental breakdown.
  • I got a new Pavlovian Shampoo, now I feel brainwashed, rinsed, and reconditioned.
  • I like to live dangerously, I’ll swipe right on a group photo.
  • The song “Summer of ’69” was named after a time in 1850 that experienced a prolific explosion mutual oral.
  • Is it pronounced coyote or coyote, discuss.
  • My name’s Chandler Phillips, not to be confused with KFC’s Five Dollar Phillips
  • When has an open tray table caused an aeronautic catastrophe.
  • One thing I’ve learned from 9/11 documentaries was that it wasn’t Iraq. It was Iraq Lobster!!
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